I woke up this morning to the sound of my alarm, the sunlight hit my eyes
from an opening between my blinds I am grateful to God for another birthday.
I am 30 wao so soon! I feel like leaping for joy running downstairs to my mum`s delicious birthday surprise then I realize I have been doing that forever and I dread the questions I will be asked at the breakfast table.
My intro brings me to the dilemma of people who are pressured into marriage for whatever reason.
Marriage is ordained by God, in my opinion it is supposed to be a journey embarked on by two consenting adults trusting that regardless of what uncertainties life brings they will be consoled by each other till the candle burns out.
If you share my opinion do you think you should be pressured into marriage? Forever is a very long time to be emotionally and physically attached to somebody.
Forget the talk about courting for 5 years or more as being a yard stick to judge character. People change not because they want to but simply because it is the only constant thing in life.
Why are people pressured into marriage?
I have heard things like you are not getting younger, I want to settle down, I want to have my kids early, my folks want to see their grand kids, I am tired of struggling and paying bills, all my friends and siblings are married, I love weddings, maybe if I get married I will find favour.
I tell you a truth today, until you learn to take decisions based on your own inner yearnings and aspirations you will embark on a journey to HELL.
How so?
If you get married out of obligation or under some influence or pressure you are indirectly fulfilling someone else`s dream not yours.
I believe we should marry for love and companionship and all else will be added.
True love is fruitful, patient, kind and conquers all.
For the doubting Thomas
If you marry your soul mate, a part of you hangs in there when all else fails but when you marry for kids, status, family, pressure etc when those fail the marriage crashes.
Just before you say I DO
Take a minute to ask yourself if this is what you really want. If you feel scared or confused, it is a sign you should never ignore. Will you be willing to submit to the authority of this man? Can this woman raise your kids and build a home? Will I wake up someday wondering what it would have been like to marry my ex? If his/her family hates you, are you sure it will ever get better? What if I can`t have kids? Am I proud of my choice? Are we sexually, socially and morally compatible? will he/she be a hinderance to my dreams?
The questions are endless my dear but the questions are important. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
Trust me nobody cares about you. The only person that truly does is your maker but he has given you a free will so why give it up and listen to a society that sets standards that often fail. Truth be told if your marriage fails same soceity will ask you why you married him/her in the first place.
Follow your heart but let your head guide you as well.
Follow your heart but let your head guide you as well.
Marriage is beautiful, it is sacred it is desirable so please choose carefully and do it for you because when push comes to shove only you will feel the pain or gain.
To all the about to and newly weds i wish you all the very best.
To all the about to and newly weds i wish you all the very best.
This is my own opinion, what`s yours?
Food for thot.....Scary too.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...I totally agree with you. People that succumb to society's pressure on being married, usually end up having terrible relationships! I mean what ever happened to following your inner voice? So often I have seen friends and family tie the knot and boom! They find out they operate in life on two different planes and cannot agree where to land! It's funny when I hear people say, "oh my, all of my friends are married, what's wrong with me?" I can't help but tell them, you honsetly think all of your friends married for the right reasons? And do you think they will really tell you whats going on with them? I don't think so dear, so live life, enjoy the journey to making that decision when the time presents itself, stay flavored, I know, I really do mean flavor!lol.
ReplyDeleteA lot of ladies in Nigeria are pressured into marriage either because their folks cant cater for them or they feel they will get expired at home.
ReplyDeletesome people need to be pressured other wise they wont grow up and be responsible.
People often think of marriage as having a lavish party everyone will remember but often forget that when all the people have come and gone, it's only the 2 of you left. Dating is quite different from marriage and often than not, these 2 get mixed up. It's a different ball game when dating but once you get married there's a lot of the other person that begins to come out like a chameleon changing it's skin.
ReplyDeleteI often tell people you will know when you meet the right person God created for you. Not only will you have things in common but you most of the time will be in agreement with decision making and encourage each other with visions, dreams or goals. If you're dating someone now who's already killing your visions/dreams, please take a quick hop and know it's not for you.
Sometimes you meet the right person but it may not be the right time. If that's you, let it slide if God decides that's your better half, it will come to pass otherwise He'll bring someone better off.
There's no point rushing into what you'll end up running out for after a few months or years. Take your time, follow your heart and make wise choices. Most of all pray about it!
This is beautiful. I love this and totally agree.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sandra. We often need to tell each other the truth once in a while which I see is not done most of the time because we think we don't want to interfere with your gf's life or be tagged as "know it all". I tell it as it is most of the time even if people don't like it.
ReplyDeleteI've also noticed that if you meet the right person and if he/she isn't ready yet, you can let it slide but never keep your feelings to yourself. Let the other party know so that down the lane, he/she may end up reminiscing and remembering what you said or God drops a bucket of hint with your name on the person's heart.
I've been in relationships that started out great but ended up in soreness and still learning. It's not been easy but I've been able to hold my head up with God's grace and mercy and believe the right man God took me out from will show up in due time - if it's God's Will that I marry.
There's nothing as good as waiting for the right/perfect one and time. It's plain bliss!
This is a powerful note. It's worth reading again and again.
ReplyDeleteThis is very pensive for everybody, whoever you are. Always let your mind drives you to take a decision and not the society. kudos for the note and the other inspiring ones Sandra Ajayi!
ReplyDeleteI have been recovering from a bitter divorce from last year. I was married for just 13 months though we courted for 3 years.
ReplyDeleteMy parents pressured me to have kids cos i am the oldest of 6 children. I got pregnant and my fiance was compelled to marry me.
6 months into it all he starts complaining and saying he never signed up for it.
I am now a single mum full of anger and sometimes shame. My desperation led me to this state. Please noone should be pressured into wedlock i know from experience.
Are you serious? I don`t know you but i can tell you this much guys this days can hardly be pressured into anything. It`s a matter of time before they withdraw and run.
ReplyDeleteIf you wanted kids so bad, did you have to use him? why didn`t you adopt or pick a random guy for this purpose.
Without being judgemental, your family used you both to achieve their wish. quite desperate and unfair.
@ Daniel are she never said she forced him down the alter at gun point. The guy wasn`t man enough to walk away from the trap.
ReplyDeleteBesides who gets married to a woman just cos they got pregnant this days? He had it coming, if he wasn`t going to marry her why date her for 3 years?
Women need to be careful cos often times they feel the blow the hardest.
My parents can`t force me into anything neither can a soceity that can`t fight the curruption in the land.
Some parents are agents of anxiety and consulates of HELL issuing multiple life time visas to an internity in regret and depression.
use you head.
i have been married for 7 years and i am happy with my choice.my spouse and i aside being together for 3years sat and had a talk about our goals, dreams,boundries and all.
ReplyDeletewe had an agreement before the real agreement and we have stayed through to our commitment.
we had our first child last year after a long wait and trust me i am so happy and in love with my man. he wasn`t pressured or anxious cos he always said he loved me regardless of our challenges and it gave me the confidence i needed while waiting.
Marry your friend, only someone that listens to you and has a true connection with your needs and wants. Anxiety and pressure is not of God it is a plot from the devil to derail you.
well said Itunu.
ReplyDeleteIf only we realise that we are not under pressure from God to do or achieve anything we will just relax.
A lot of people are struggling to keep their marriages, some have bitter emotions just after few months of wedlock.
Some people are not dream careers, they are dream killers so if you tie yourself to a man or woman with no vision chances that you will live a meaninglss life is high.
what do you talk about in your courtship? what are you guys fighting about? is it stuff that will propel you guys to greatness? or things like who is that on ur dp or are we having sex?
I believe we are all adults here. People dont change so its time to listen to your partners inner voice he/she might be a bull shitter.
well said.
ReplyDelete